Have you signed up for a running event? If so, do you want to do well? Really? Why would you? Or, do you want to have your “WORST RACE EVER“?
If you’ve decided that you really don’t want to do well, you’ve come to the right place. I’m going to give you a point-by-point list of things to do that will ensure that you sabotage your training efforts (if you decide to actually train), struggle through the race and, if you do manage to finish, remember it as the “worst race ever”!
DON’T TRAIN! There’s no need. Surely it can’t be that hard to run for 10, 21 or 42 kilometers, right? So, don’t waste your time in the weeks and months before the race by working on your stamina, breathing and form. You too can be a true couch potato. No hill repeats, cross training or interval sessions for you. You’ll do fine on race day.
EAT TONS! Since everyone knows that you’re supposed to “carb load”, make sure that you do. Have a night-before-the-race meal of pasta, pizza or nachoes and beer. That should do the trick. And, this is definitely the time to celebrate the event by trying something new. Always wanted to have a poutine? You earned it, you deserve it, go for it!
DON’T PLAN! Don’t waste time planning on what you’ll wear or laying out your gear the night before. Forgot your sports bra? No problem, simply wear the old worn-out regular one or go without. Forgot to pack your shoes? I hear that running barefoot is the latest craze. It’s a great time for you to try it out. Don’t wear stuff that you’ve worn before and you know feels comfortable. You want to look good and make a fashion statement, right? So, try out a new cotton t-shirt and some new shoes or shorts. I’m pretty sure you’ll get used to the chafing and blisters after a few kilometers. And, put your bib and timing chip in your pocket. There’ll be plenty of time during the warmup to pin those on and another runner will be happy to help you.
WAIT TO GO! You just know that there’s going to porta-potties set up all along the route. So, why get in line and go before you start the race. If you do choose to go before the start, wait until the last minute so that you’re in a long line and (possibly) “using the facilities” when the race starts. During the race, don’t go for the first porta-pottie you see when you feel the “urge to purge”. There’ll be another one immediately available when you REALLY have to go. And, if not, hopefully the pictures of you going behind that shrub on someone’s front lawn, or in that business doorway, won’t be put up on Facebook or YouTube any time soon.
GO OUT FAST! It’ll be easy to get caught up in the mood of the crowd and you’ll feel pumped and ready. Go with it! Start out fast and keep up with that “energizer bunny” that you were chatting with while warming up. It doesn’t matter that they trained and you didn’t. Don’t try and pace yourself, give it all you’ve got right from the start. Don’t worry if you “crash and burn” a half kilometer from the finish. You can always walk the rest of the way, right?
GET LOST! Literally. Don’t check out the race route beforehand. Unless you plan to be first, there should be someone you can follow and hopefully they’ll know the route. If not, you can always forge new territory and make your own route. Think of it as an adventure.
There you have it. A brief, but easy, “To-Do” list that’s sure to have you talking for years to come about your “worst race ever“. There are numerous other things that could easily be added to the list and would enhance the experience. You could forget to gas up the car and run out on the way to the race, or get to the airport and realize that your passport or ticket is still at home. But, I think you get the general idea.
Don’t be “ready”, don’t get “set”, now GO!
Loreli knows that there is no “one size fits all” run training program to succeed. She’s run numerous races herself (including 10Ks, half and full marathons) and speaks from experience about what it may take to run your “worst race ever”. But, she also knows how to train you so that you get to the start line “ready” to race and to the finish line injury-free and feeling great about your accomplishment!
Loreli’s company, Alter Ego Fitness Experience, offers outdoor Group Fitness (boot camp) classes, sport specific (i.e. running) training and Personal Training options. She’s a BCRPA Certified Personal & Strength Trainer and a CanFitPro Personal Training Specialist.